A Little Thing Called Dilema

I think I’m a lil’ bit insane.

Telling you that words. Acting like a jerk. I know I’m soooooo wrong this whole week. It would be better if you punch me on my face. I have nothing to say but I’m a bad person. That’s it.

You deserve better. I’m not a good girl anyway. Find a better one!

I want you to go, but honestly I can’t ever let you go. I never love you, but I can’t live without you. A day without you feels like a year. Stupid, right?

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These are this time whenever you love two guys in one time. But, still.. in different meaning. The one is the guy who you love. And the other one is the one you can’t live without.

I’m in this confusion. This time.

Remember the guy in yesterday’s post? He’s the one I love. Until now. I love him even he never loves me back. I love him even he gave me bruises all over my past years. And I never blame him for every scars he left in my heart. I just.. love him. And I never regret for being in unrequited-love with him. Because he gave me so much lessons. And he used to give me a little boost, it was whenever we still talked to each other. *I’m so glad my keyboard is not full of tears when I wrote this*

And there’s another guy. The one who always help me. He gave me his shoulders when the first guy started to leave me. Even he always makes me smile. I’m always that happy with him anyway. But I never love him. He is no longer my dearest friend. And the biggest fear of mine is this good-guy not only list me as his friend. More than friend, maybe? I don’t know. I just don’t want it happen. It’ll be a big-disaster! Indeed!

It is called.. dilema. This good-guy. He’s my everything. I don’t know what happen to me if he’s never exist. And that guy-who-never-love-me. I still love him and he’s always in my deepest heart. 😦

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So..

Maybe this is the shortest post I’ve ever made.

I miss him. Right after I saw his timeline. I miss talking with him, again. He’s such a drug for me. Being with him, I felt like I’m special (except when he dumped me like a dirt shit!). I know it badly! I know that he has left a big scar on my heart. But, he never been that bad. I was the victim of my own imaginary-fight. It’s all my fault.

And I want him back. Even if he’s a disaster.

I’m crazy. It’s true! Because I want him only, not anyone else!

Antara Move On & Pura-pura Move On #eaaa

Maaf aja kalo posting-an ane disini nyampah doang. Ye gapapa kali, ini kan site ane. Judulnye juga bagi-bagi cerita. Entah itu fiksi, nyata, curcolan, sampe tulisan nasi campur juga dipamerin–meski nggak layak pamer. Curcolan orang bukan berarti nggak guna sama sekali, nak. Bisa saja ente-ente sekalian bisa narik kesimpulan atau pelajaran dari curcolan remaja-tua (nggak layak disebut remaja lagi kayaknya. yah.. namanya juga jiwa muda) seperti ane–meski kebanyakan nggak ada kesimpulan atau pelajaran sama sekali.

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