A Little Thing Called Dilema

I think I’m a lil’ bit insane.

Telling you that words. Acting like a jerk. I know I’m soooooo wrong this whole week. It would be better if you punch me on my face. I have nothing to say but I’m a bad person. That’s it.

You deserve better. I’m not a good girl anyway. Find a better one!

I want you to go, but honestly I can’t ever let you go. I never love you, but I can’t live without you. A day without you feels like a year. Stupid, right?

——————————————————————————————————

These are this time whenever you love two guys in one time. But, still.. in different meaning. The one is the guy who you love. And the other one is the one you can’t live without.

I’m in this confusion. This time.

Remember the guy in yesterday’s post? He’s the one I love. Until now. I love him even he never loves me back. I love him even he gave me bruises all over my past years. And I never blame him for every scars he left in my heart. I just.. love him. And I never regret for being in unrequited-love with him. Because he gave me so much lessons. And he used to give me a little boost, it was whenever we still talked to each other. *I’m so glad my keyboard is not full of tears when I wrote this*

And there’s another guy. The one who always help me. He gave me his shoulders when the first guy started to leave me. Even he always makes me smile. I’m always that happy with him anyway. But I never love him. He is no longer my dearest friend. And the biggest fear of mine is this good-guy not only list me as his friend. More than friend, maybe? I don’t know. I just don’t want it happen. It’ll be a big-disaster! Indeed!

It is called.. dilema. This good-guy. He’s my everything. I don’t know what happen to me if he’s never exist. And that guy-who-never-love-me. I still love him and he’s always in my deepest heart. 😦

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