I’ve been a little exhausted today since the first time I opened my eyes this morning. Yeah, I’ve got stomachache. And it was disturbing. I was kinda lazy about going to campus because of this sickness. But, then, of course I kept going to campus. Although the possibility of lecturer’s presence didn’t look convincing since it’s the first day of new semester.
And the day at campus today soon enough made me think about many things. My brain is full of those unbelievable realities I’ve heard. I believe all of you have ever done this kind of thing called ‘gossip’. Any kind of gossip; in toilet, in room, in cafe, anywhere you are together with your friends. And we did it, too. Not that ‘bad’ gossip. It was just a kind of discussion about one of our friend. This truth I’ve just heard made me feel unwell at first. Well, it’s not the truth you all should hear ’cause it’s secret! But, really! This secret made my brain keeps thinking about this: from the simple ’till the complicated question. I just.. can’t believe this! Hey, it’s a life! Everything could possibly happen without your permission, right? And the only thing which possible is the impossibility itself.
There is one thing which made me feel so bad. Losing some of my friends. So, I have friends: call her A and B. A used to tell me that she would be in another faculty next semester because she couldn’t continue studying in this faculty of mine since she faced difficulties in it. I was so sad, of course. She’s my best friend and she always there whenever I need her. But now she’s gone. What about B? She never told me that she will leave this faculty, too. Not only the faculty, but also this city! She moved to another city.. without telling me and others a single word. Oh, how come?! She’s my best friend, too. But, this seemed so wrong. She supposed to tell this, right? So then, me and others didn’t look confused at all. Well.. I am never mad at you two. I just.. wish we could gather in one place and talk a lot of things again one day! 🙂
This day was not so bad, you know. Thanks for my friends here who have given me and others this delicious chocolate. It tasted amazing since it’s free!!! I’d be glad waiting for another chocolate, bytheway. LOL. :p
Just say that holiday was.. money. So much money. Then, imagine I got those money in last three months. So, what did I do with those big amount of money. Of course I’d take my time bought everything I’ve been wanted so long. Books. CDs. Shirt and other outfits. Shoes maybe? And probably having dinner with somebody I didn’t know. Just tried to gambling things once in a life time. Maybe one of these guys would be my soul-mate. Who knows? (Oh, please! I’m never ever gambling things in real.) In three months, I’ve spent much money as I was an heiress or something. And without my expectation, the money was just.. over. Nothing left.
Back to reality.
Yeah, holiday is over and is about two days left for doing things I want. I have no idea for these painful left days. Watching movies? It’s too late. So many movies I haven’t watched. Depends on my memory, I didn’t even watch movie since holiday started. Yes, I watched some. But not that much. Just two or five or I don’t know. It doesn’t reach 10. And I don’t remember all. Just some of it and maybe those movies will disappear from my brain, not long after this time. What else? What thing I could do? Reading books? I’ve spent most of my time on it. And honestly these-left-days isn’t enough to read some. There are so many books unread. Even life ’till death never enough to read all those books (books that do exist in this world from old century ’till now). I wonder who wrote book first? It has been my question since I don’t know when.
Tweeting and chatting are also not the good choice. Those things are exhausting me since cyber is a place for faking and bullying. I just don’t get it. It might spend most of my time last years but not this year (or probably next year and so on). Skype? Uh, nope! I’m tired of things like that. Blogging? I’m blogging right now. You see me, right? (And this thing is totally boring that I still don’t know what I should write!)
Forget about that!
I just wanna say that this year’s holiday was not fun at all. I wonder if it was not holi-day, but hell-day. ._.
What about yours? Having so much fun?
I think I’m a lil’ bit insane.
Telling you that words. Acting like a jerk. I know I’m soooooo wrong this whole week. It would be better if you punch me on my face. I have nothing to say but I’m a bad person. That’s it.
You deserve better. I’m not a good girl anyway. Find a better one!
I want you to go, but honestly I can’t ever let you go. I never love you, but I can’t live without you. A day without you feels like a year. Stupid, right?
These are this time whenever you love two guys in one time. But, still.. in different meaning. The one is the guy who you love. And the other one is the one you can’t live without.
I’m in this confusion. This time.
Remember the guy in yesterday’s post? He’s the one I love. Until now. I love him even he never loves me back. I love him even he gave me bruises all over my past years. And I never blame him for every scars he left in my heart. I just.. love him. And I never regret for being in unrequited-love with him. Because he gave me so much lessons. And he used to give me a little boost, it was whenever we still talked to each other. *I’m so glad my keyboard is not full of tears when I wrote this*
And there’s another guy. The one who always help me. He gave me his shoulders when the first guy started to leave me. Even he always makes me smile. I’m always that happy with him anyway. But I never love him. He is no longer my dearest friend. And the biggest fear of mine is this good-guy not only list me as his friend. More than friend, maybe? I don’t know. I just don’t want it happen. It’ll be a big-disaster! Indeed!
It is called.. dilema. This good-guy. He’s my everything. I don’t know what happen to me if he’s never exist. And that guy-who-never-love-me. I still love him and he’s always in my deepest heart. 😦
Maybe this is the shortest post I’ve ever made.
I miss him. Right after I saw his timeline. I miss talking with him, again. He’s such a drug for me. Being with him, I felt like I’m special (except when he dumped me like a dirt shit!). I know it badly! I know that he has left a big scar on my heart. But, he never been that bad. I was the victim of my own imaginary-fight. It’s all my fault.
And I want him back. Even if he’s a disaster.
I’m crazy. It’s true! Because I want him only, not anyone else!